How to Ace a Job Interview (5 Easy Steps)

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It’s happy hour. You’ve just downed your third beer and you get the phone call! The company you’ve dreamed of working for has asked that you come in for a job interview! Now it’s REALLY Happy Hour! You can’t suppress your excitement! But then it slowly sinks in that you’ll have to be interrogated by a team that may dislike you before you are guaranteed the job. Your happiness quickly turns to fear and now you don’t know what to do. But worry not, this easy-to-follow guide will help you ace ANY job interview.

1. Time is on your Side!

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William Shakespeare wisely stated that “[A person is] Better three hours too soon than 1 minute too late.” While I don’t suggest getting to your interview three hours early, I do want to stress how important timeliness is. You need to create a good impression with your prospective boss, and prove that you care about getting to work on time. For this reason, I recommend taking an Uber or Taxi to your interview. If you drive, you risk being pulled over and receiving a DUI if you are a day drinker. If this happens, you’ll miss your interview all together!

2. So Fresh and So Clean

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Nothing’s worse than a hangover…except a hangover on the day of your big job interview! If you’ve got all the telltale signs of a night of binge drinking (headache, vomiting), then do yourself a favor and take a shot. The ‘hair of the dog’ technique helps ease hangover symptoms and will get you feeling fresh and ready to talk shop with your prospective employer.

3. Don’t Let the Board Room Become a Shake Shack

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If you’re like me and suffer from alcoholism, you know the awful feelings bought on by withdrawal. One of the most obvious symptoms to outsiders are the shakes. If you step into the interview without having your morning drink and are shakey, they will suspect you of being an alcoholic and deny you the job. On top of that you’ll be feeling nervous, irritable and uncomofrtable. It is best to take prophylactic measures and drink just before the interview to avoid the shakes. If you’re concerned about the smell of alcohol on your breath, chew on a mint or say that you’ve been using a rather strong mouthwash.

4. The Trouble With Job History

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Most people who are looking for new jobs were fired from their previous jobs. Often, this is because of alcoholism. People who drink a lot tend to miss out on work from being frequently hungover. They need to maintain a job in order to get the money to buy more drinks, but they have a hard time keeping at it. When the subject of your previous employers comes up during the interview, make sure to lie and claim that you left of your own volition because the position wasn’t challenging enough. If they like you and ask for references, provide the phone number of a friend or relative to claim they were your employer and give you a dazzling, 5 star reference!

5. Easing Nervous Tension

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Don’t become distressed at the prospect of not having alcohol by your side during the interview. Typically, these meetings last only an hour. You can nip at the mini bottle of Jack in your jacket pocket in the bathroom right after the interview ends.
When your interview gets to casual talk about your life and hobbies, avoid mentioning alcohol or binge drinking. Just talk about other things you’re interested in. If they confront you about your drinking, deny the extent of your abuse and claim that you only have 1-2 drinks per day.
Follow these 5 steps and you stand to ace the interview, and get the job of your dreams!